Employee Performance Evaluation

___ This S.O.B. really knows his shit.
___ Knows most phases of his job.
___ Knows just enough to be dangerous.
___ Stupid bastard, couldn't find his ass with both hands and a flash-light.
___ Brain-damaged, a coffee cup has a higher IQ.

___ Does pretty good work when not preoccupied with sex.
___ Pretty good, only screws up occasionally.
___ Doesn't give a damn if he gets it right or wrong.
___ Does shitty work and constantly f***s up.
___ Couldn't count his balls and get the same number twice.

Work Rate:
___ Faster than a perp on "Cops."
___ Fast S.O.B. if he thinks he's going to get a raise.
___ Does a lot of work around salary review time.
___ Works only if kicked in the ass every five-minutes.
___ Couldn't produce less if he was in a coma.

___ A very dependable little shit - grabs his ankles at the drop of a hat.
___ Brown-noser in good standing.
___ Cooperative only if his ass is kissed frequently.
___ Thinks its his job to piss off his co-workers.
___ Doesn't give a damn, never has, never will.

General Work Habits:
___ Has memorized the employee manual and submitted a written critique.
___ Generally does what he is told if he thinks he being watched.
___ Sits around with his thumb up his ass even when being watched.
___ Couldn't get to work on time with a police escort.
___ Bastard can't even spell "Work."

Appearance & Personal Hygeine:
___ Extremely neat and orderly, even combs his pubic hairs.
___ Doesn't scare away customers.
___ Needs to be introduced to toothpaste and deodorant.
___ Sloppy, dirty, filthy, smelly bastard.
___ Flies leave fresh dog shit to follow him.

Leadership Skills:
___ Carries a switch-blade and gets good results.
___ Constantly pisses off the troops.
___ Is occasionally told to get f****d
___ Only the janitor listens to him.
___ Can't lead a pack of starving wolves to fresh meat.