Real Employee performance evaluations
(recognize yourself or someone who works for you?)

"Since my last report, this employee has reached rock  bottom.....and has started to dig."

"His men would follow him anywhere, ....... but only out of morbid curiosity."

"I would not allow this employee to breed."

"This employee is really not so much of a 'has-been', but more of a definite 'won't be.'"

"Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap."

"When he opens his mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

"He would be out of his depth in a parking lot puddle."

"This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

"He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve

"This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

"This employee should go far, ..... and the sooner he starts, the better."

"Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thing to hold it all together."

"A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

"He certainly takes a long time to make his pointless."

"He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

"He's been working with glue too much."

"He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

"If you see two people talking and one looks bored, .... he's the other

"A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

"A prime candidate for natural deselection."

"Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

"Has two brains: one is lost and the other is out looking for it."

"If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

"If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

"If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the oceans."

"Some drink from the fountain of knowledge;..... he only gargled."

"Takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes."

"The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead."