Daily Affirmations

I have the power to channel my imagination into ever soaring levels of suspicion and paranoia.

I assume full responsibility for my actions, except the ones that are someone else's fault.

I no longer need to punish, deceive or compromise myself. Unless, of course, I want to stay employed.

In some cultures what I do would be considered normal.

Having control over myself is nearly as good as having control over others.

My intuition nearly makes up for my lack of good judgment.

I can change any thought that hurts into a reality that hurts even more.

I honor my personality flaws, for without them I would have no personality at all.

Joan of Arc heard voices too.

I am grateful that I am not as judgmental as all those censorious, self-righteous people around me.

I need not suffer in silence while I can still moan, whimper and complain.

When someone hurts me, forgiveness is cheaper than a lawsuit. But not nearly as gratifying.

All of me is beautiful and valuable, even the ugly, stupid and disgusting parts.

I am at one with my duality.

Only a lack of imagination saves me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears

I honor and express all facets of my being, regardless of state and local laws.

Today I will gladly share my experience and advice, for there are no sweeter words than "I told you so."

A good scapegoat is nearly as welcome as a solution to the problem.

I am learning that criticism is not nearly as effective as sabotage.

Becoming aware of my character defects leads me to the next step -- blaming my parents.

I will find humor in my everyday life by looking for people I can laugh at.